01-17-19
When I first started dating my wife, I was conscientious about so many things that I had never considered before—it was if all the horrible situations and decisions from past relationships had finally culminated in some useful education. The beginning of our relationship seemed to take off like a bullet, and it never really lost momentum.
Hanging over her bed was this painting. It’s a gorgeous painting, more so in person, but there was always something that seemed off about it, at least to me. The pain, the anguish, the submissive spirit from the female character slowly decaying due to what can only be concluded as the life is being sucked out of her from this vampiric gentleman figure…I was transfixed while being somewhat horrified.
Soon my wife noticed my attraction and she told me the story of its providence. She had seen it with her mother, years earlier when she was just a young girl. She and her mother bought this painting, and it was kept in secret for years until the time came for her to move out on her own. This painting was a major symbol of independence, but the feeling the painting emitted was anything but that—no matter, there was no way I could ever ask/tell her to move it or change it, it stood for so much more.
So, it rested, over me, for nearly 6 years. It was one of the last things I saw before falling asleep, and one of the first things I saw when waking up. Eventually, my discomfort began to get the best of me, and I began to understand what was putting me off ease. I hated that painting because I feared I was contributing to the cycle depicted in the picture. I was terrified.
I would like to say in my adult life I have done everything right. I have had the job and paid the bills, but this isn’t the case. I haven’t been the most successful adult, I haven’t been able to find the individual financial security or standard 9-5 that doesn’t feel like it’s actively crushing every fiber of my spirit. Perhaps this is the trick, no one indeed finds a “successful” outcome, we just make whatever we can and accept that.
Regardless, this painting acted as a daily reminder to work at being the antithesis to that figure. I was not going to “suck” the spirit out of anyone or anything. This painting kept me vigilant of my own self and helped push me towards things less destructive.
CocoRosie has always been an emotionally provocative listen. Every song usually ends with me teary-eyed and contemplative, especially this song which is arguably their most well-known. Throughout the song, we hear the struggles of a woman negotiating some of the deeper emotional scars she’s still processing. All these conflicts work to suck the spirit from her, but she refuses to let them, so instead, she dreams about turning into a werewolf so she can use her power to defend her spirit.
This is where the concept of the artwork comes from. A woman at the point of being overconsumed, she sees no other action but to succumb to the monster in herself to ensure her own survival.
Lyrics:
In a dream I was a werewolf
My soul was filled with crystal light
Lavender ribbons of rain sang
Ridding my heart of mortal fright
Of mortal fright
[Verse 1]
Broken sundown, fatherless showdown
Gun hip swollen lip bottle sip yeah I suck dick
Loose grip on gravity falls, sky blinding crumbling walls
River sweep away my memories of
Children’s things, a young mother’s love
Before the yearning song of flesh on flesh
Young hearts burst open wounds bleed fresh
A young brother skinny and tall my older walks
Ocean ward and somber, slumber sleeping
Flowers in the water, but I’m just his daughter
Walking down an icy grave, leading to my
Schizophrenic father
Weeping willow won’t you wallow louder
Searching for my father’s power
[Chorus]
I’m a shake you off though
Get up on that horse and
Ride into the sunset
Look back with no remorse
[Verse 2]
He’s a black magic wielder, some say, a witch
Wielded darkness when he was wilin’ on his mom’s
Unborn child and he was the bastard the that broke
Up the marriage evil doer doing evil from a baby carriage
And he was born with the same blue eyes
Crystal ships dripping with ice, diamonds coruscate
In the night fireworks electric bright
And now he’s got his own two sons
Tries to hide his tears in a world of fun
But loveless bedrooms filled with doom
Bring silent heartache July to June
Swoon over new young hot flame
Mourn the memories later
Laugh now, alligator
[Chant]
In a dream, my father came to me
And made me swear that I’d keep
What’s sacred to me
And if I get the choice to live in his name
I’ll pray my way through the rain
Singing “oh happy day”
[Verse 3]
I don’t mean to close the door
But for the record, my heart is sore
You blew through me like bullet holes
Left stains on my sheets and stains on my soul
You left me broke down begging for change
Had to catch a ride with a man who’s deranged
He had your hands and my father’s face
Another western vampire
Different time, same place
I has dreams that brings me sadness
Rain much deeper than a river
Sorrow flow through me
Tiny waves of shivers
Corny movies make me reminisce
They break me down easy on this generic love shit
First kiss frog and princess
[Chorus]
I’m a shake you off though
Get up on that horse and
Ride into the sunset
Look back with no remorse