Date 12-8-18
When I was 18 years old my Tio Nick passed away. I never had a real opportunity to get to know him, most my family says that’s for the best. The moments that I do remember, I remember a wandering spirit; to a young child, this seemed almost appealing. I remember one time in particular when my grandfather had passed away, I was with my father and Tio Tony, and we were en route to pick up my Tio Nick after he had “hiked” (read: hitched) his way to the services from a solid 100 miles away. We met him at a random gas station in the middle of the desert, there wasn’t much around.
My father and my Tio Tony said their hello’s and dug in waiting to hear whatever story Nick had to offer. 9-year-old me listened in eager anticipation as this man who looked so much like my father began to regale us of his journey. I could feel the consternation emanating from the two in the front. I’m sure my Tio Nick could feel it too because he quickly turned his attention away from trying to engage his brothers and redirected it at me. With little to no prompting, he just blankly stared at me and said, “hijito, have you ever hiked to the top of Shiprock during a lightning storm?”
Again, being only 9 years old there wasn’t much that I could say to him aside from, “well no, Tio.” My father turned around from his chair in the front, and he asked his brother, “what are you telling my son?” My Tio Nick, without missing a beat, goes into a story about how he climbed to the top of Shiprock, and just as he got there a monsoon storm came rolling in. Lightning was striking everywhere, but the electricity through the air was a “message from God,” as he put it.
I like to think he made it to the top of Shiprock. I like to think that it was every bit as mystical and magikal as he was trying to convey. I’m not wholly naïve, and I understand the likelihood of that is quite slim, but I still like to remember my Tio like that. Someone that was full of adventure…he worked hard at creating that image, I’m ok with preserving it, if only in my own memory.
My Tio Nick’s passing happened at a point where I could finally begin to understand the finality of death. I understood the principle up to that point, but the deeper emotional impacts weren’t something I was acutely familiar with.
Funerals are strange affairs for anyone, but especially when you have a large family. Tio’s, and Tia’s come out that you never knew existed, cousins have multiplied with new offspring and there is a certain “reunion” feeling that sets in. When my Tio Nick passed, my brother and I had been in the early stages of a video production company, we focused on making what we called “Memory DVD’s,” (really just fancy DVD photo albums but with music,) so we were asked to put one together for my Tio Nick. At the time there was only one song that felt appropriate for the situation, and that was Alexi Murdoch’s Orange Sky.
Watching my family’s responses, especially my father and his remaining siblings, it was difficult. I wanted to reach out and hold each one and knew that I couldn’t. I could only hold space and do my best to create a safe place. Now I realize that act of sympathy was more than enough.
When I hear Orange Sky come on now I think back to my Tio Nick. A strong-willed man with a passionate spirit, someone that would further my understanding of sympathy and empathy even now, years after he’s passed.
Lyrics:
Well I had a dream
I stood beneath an orange sky
Yes I had a dream
I stood beneath an orange sky
With my brother standing by
With my brother standing by
I said, “Brother, you know you know
It’s a long road we’ve been walking on
Brother, you know it is you know it is
Such a long road we’ve been walking on.”
And I had a dream
I stood beneath an orange sky
With my sister standing by
With my sister standing by
I said, “Sister, here is what I know now
Here is what I know now
Goes like this..
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, in your love, in your love.”
“But sister you know I’m so weary
And you know, sister
My heart’s been broken
Sometimes, sometimes
My mind is too strong to carry on
Too strong to carry on”
“When I am alone
When I’ve thrown off the weight of this crazy stone
When I’ve lost all care for the things I own
That’s when I miss you, that’s when I miss you, that’s when I miss you
You who are my home
You who are my home
And here is what I know now
Here is what I know now
Goes like this..
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, my salvation lies
In your love, in your love, in your love”
Well I had a dream
I stood beneath an orange sky
Yes I had a dream
I stood beneath an orange sky
With my brother and my sister standing by
With my brother and my sister standing by
With my brother and my sister standing by