04-06-19
Young love is one of the most powerful motivators, there isn’t any life-experience to compare what a person is going through, so everything feels imperative, and world-stopping. I like to think of it as the sting of a young scorpion; baby scorpions can accidentally kill themselves through releasing too much venom when defending themselves because they do not know how to control the response—young love would have you do the same thing, an “all or nothing” type of affair.
One of my first “adult” relationships was rife with conflict and emotional turmoil. However I had entered with a committed mindset, and at that time I thought that translated to never taking failure as an option. This made me push a relationship that likely should never be pushed. Though there may have been sincere affection and love at numerous points, it was being driven by this necessity to never give up because again, the commitment was paramount.
After dating for the better part of our freshman year, it was time to get my girlfriend back to her home half-way across the country. We packed our bags and loaded her car up with everything that could fit. Every day of our journey was marked with some conflict. Whether the drive felt too long, or there wasn’t anywhere to stop, something was always wrong. Despite this, I continued to drive believing that maybe it was just a result of feeling stir crazy. We would have brief moments of happiness, being able to tell jokes and enjoy one another’s a company. By the third day, we had gone several thousand miles and crossed quite a few states.
We found ourselves having just entered Missouri when we pulled over to use the restroom. I had it in my mind that I needed to get us to St. Louis, or some other arbitrary point before feeling like we could stop, or I could stop and let my GF drive… her own car. Yeah it was a stupid response, and I would like to say I was just a silly kid; however, I now believe it’s a bull-headedness that’s hardwired as I’ve continued to deal with the same response’s years later. As I came back from the bathroom to the car I remember seeing her sitting in the driver seat, she was honestly pretty happy, and instead of just going with that I began to exhibit signs of frustration that I was meant to continue driving, but she didn’t pay much heed and started to leave the gas station.
We began to argue, and one little argument began to unravel every other argument that we had shelved. We made it maybe five miles down the interstate before she pulled off in search of a restaurant. She led us down several miles through a residential neighborhood before pulling over on a deserted road. We were yelling at one another at the top of our lungs, and I couldn’t imagine being sealed in that car for a second longer… I needed a breath.
As she pulled over, I opened my door and got out. She warned me not to get out of the car, yet I couldn’t imagine what would happen if I had to be trapped exchange insults at the top of our lungs. The moment I began to close the door to get some air, she was already pulling out. Gravel spraying in all directions as the tires tried to find traction beneath themselves. I was in shock; I didn’t even initially respond until I saw she wasn’t stopping. I began to chase after the car, only then realizing I was only wearing flip flops.
As she got back on the main road, I did my best to call out, but it was to no avail. She sped down a darkened road. There I was lost on a backroad in the depths of the Ozarks wearing flip flops, no wallet, and dying cell-phone.
Lyrics:
[Chorus]
You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the sheets of paper lies my truth
I have to go, I have to go
Your hair was long when we first met
[Verse 1]
Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
He ate a slice of Wonder bread, and went right back to bed
And history books forgot about us and the Bible didn’t mention us
And the Bible didn’t mention us, not even once
[Chorus]
You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first
Beneath the stars came falling on our heads
But they’re just old light, they’re just old light
Your hair was long when we first met
[Verse 2]
Samson came to my bed
Told me that my hair was red
Told me I was beautiful, and came into my bed
Oh, I cut his hair myself one night
A pair of dull scissors in the yellow light
And he told me that I’d done alright
And kissed me ’til the morning light, the morning light
And he kissed me ’til the morning light
[Verse 3]
Samson went back to bed
Not much hair left on his head
He ate a slice of Wonder bread, and went right back to bed
Oh, we couldn’t bring the columns down
Yeah, we couldn’t destroy a single one
And history books forgot about us
And the Bible didn’t mention us, not even once
[Outro]
You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first