03-10-19
I had some difficulty deciding if whether this song resonated more with Disgust or Shame. Ultimately, I think it works best for Shame due to the continued addressing of guilt and remorse. The thought of Disgust was rooted in the continued conscious decision to effectively give in to your vices, even amidst knowing the pain and harm they’re inflicting, undoubtedly this also matches with Shame.
I’m of the personal philosophy that having an addiction carries no inherent shame; however, actions caused by our addictions most certainly carry consequences. The shame being discussed in Hit the Switch is less about shame of being an alcoholic, and more about the shame associated in needing the cycle and what the cycle produces. Knowing that you’re addicted and during the lowest points being resolute in changing the cycle only to succumb to temptation at the first presentation.
The cycle of shame is summarized in the third verse: I’m thinking of quitting drinking again | I know I said that a couple times |And I’m always changing my mind, well, I guess I am |But there’s this burn in my stomach, and there’s this pain in my side | And when I kneel at the toilet | And the mornings clean light pours in through the window | Sometimes I pray I don’t die | I’m a goddamn hypocrite | But the night rolls around and it all starts making sense | There is no right way or wrong way, you just have to live | And so I do what I do and at least I exist | What could mean more than this? | What would mean more? | Mean more?
In my experience in life thus far I think it’s safe to say that a large percentage of adults have lived to a point where they can not only sympathize but empathize with many elements of what Connor is singing about. The control that is relinquished when we indulge in our vices often gets the best of us. It doesn’t have to be vodka, it could be as innocuous as ice cream or cake, but a lot of the chemical responses that we receive when feeding our vices are birthed from the same place. The sense of gratification that we get when we’ve rewarded our vices triggers serotonin release, and at that moment that’s all we care about. It doesn’t always matter if the last time ended poorly because for that fleeting moment nothing else matters “and so [we] do what [we] do and at least [we] exist, what could mean more than [that]?”
Lyrics:
[Verse 1]
I’m staring out into that vaccum again
From the back porch of my mind
The only thing thats alive
I’m all there is
And I start attacking my vodka, stab the ice with my straw
My eyes have turned red as stoplights, you seem ready to walk
You know I’ll call you eventually, when I wanna talk
‘Til then you’re invisible
[Chorus]
Cause theres a switch that gets hit and it all stops making sense
And in the middle of drinks, maybe the fifth or the sixth
I’m completely alone at a table of friends
I feel nothing for them. I feel nothing, nothing
[Verse 2]
Well, I need a break from the city again
I think I’ll ship myself back west
I got a friend there, she says, “hey, any time.”
Unless that offers expired, I have been less than frequent
She’s under no obligation to indulge every whim
And I’m so ungrateful, I take, she gives and forgives
And I keep forgetting it
[Chorus]
And each morning she wakes with a dream to describe
Something lovely that bloomed in her beautiful mind
I said “I’ll trade you one for two nightmares of mine
I have some where I die, I have some where we all die.”
[Verse 3]
I’m thinking of quitting drinking again
I know i said that a couple times
And I’m always changing my mind, well, i guess i am
But theres this burn in my stomach and theres this pain in my side
And when I kneel at the toilet
And the mornings clean light pours in through the window
Sometimes I pray I don’t die
I’m a goddamn hypocrite
[Chorus]
But the night rolls around and it all starts making sense
There is no right way or wrong way, you just have to live
And so I do what I do and at least I exist
What could mean more than this?
What would mean more?
Mean more?
Ohhhh