02-11-19 By Your Side by CocoRosie

02-11-12

“You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.” – Sam Keen

This song and its aesthetic has always held a particularly macabre sense with it. The subtle Disney-esque references via the bird chirps throughout at the line “it’s nearly midnight, and all I want with my life is to be your housewife,” all work to build an image of love that can be on the more unhealthy side.

My journey with this song began at a period rife with conflict and remorse. I sought refuge in CocoRosie, and the music they created; this song stood at the top of those notes of compassion, slowly building an idyllic image of companionship. I listened to the words, and I fantasized about a life with a partner that was so complacent and loving.

As my understanding of these expectations evolved, so did my knowledge of the themes at play within the song itself. Life continued to bring its challenges, and with each one brought a little more insight into the complications associated with romanticism purchased solely at the behest of traditional patriarchal structures. I began to understand a more satirical tone created by Cocorosie.

The song began to take a darker undertone. Its associations began to sour, its memory tainted. But as is the case with many songs in my life, I’ve refused to let good music go unlistened due to someone else’s memory.

Throughout life, I’ve turned to the works of many others to help place conflict into perspective. During this time I was studying philosophy and specifically Sartre. Sartre had written much on the concept of love especially in regards to the diverging forces between objectivity and freedom. It was his position that ““true love” can only be achieved when all parties have a deep, mutual respect for the other’s freedom and resist the desire to “possess” each other as objects.” If these romantic relationships focused on the concept of ownership, this would leave little time for introspection, at least as asserted by Sartre.

This is a sentiment that I have been able to understand more intimately thanks to the womyn who has grown to be the best partner I could ever have imagined. I know that many of the sentiments that are shared within this song are shared mutually between the two of us, and at the same time, neither of us have relinquished control or our own individual freedoms. Instead, we have built the foundation of our love on the laurels of one another’s successes, urging each other to continue fighting for reaching the next level.

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