11-29-18
The night was dark. The only light was the moon hanging low in the sky. It had barely begun to break the tree line.
This moment was one that hit like a ton of bricks, yet as it washed over it lifted the anxiety that was weighing down.
Summer in the mountains always came with a sweetness. It was in the smell of the trees. It was in the warm winds that would touch your cheek. It was in every taste of every moment.
Normally these midnight trips would be taken with a compatriot. The summer forced everyone out of town. It was the only time to experience the mountain free of the hoards of kids…kids. That was an unfair assertion. He was a kid too. What precluded him from his own bias?
Despite knowing there was little to be angry over, it didn’t matter—the anger was there, driven by the frustration in not being able to see the most prevalent signs.
These drives were meant for an escape. This night there was something else on the agenda.
As the darkness of the night blended into the shadows of the trees, the distinction between reality and whatever lied beyond was becoming blurred with each mile marker.
The bass kicks in, and within a heartbeat revolution takes hold.
No longer is there a need to fulfill another’s fantasy. The incredulous of that approach is unhealthy at best.
Instead a release of expectation will soon lead to a mystifying transformation…
While living in the mountains of Arizona, I would often find myself on back roads in the middle of the night. For whatever reason this was one of the only ways I could feel my emotions processing through me in a healthy way. There was one night in particular. Maybe August 2009. I had just received a new album from an unknown band, The XX. I was immediately intrigued by the minimalist sounds, and the lovelorn lyrics. Then I came towards the end. Fantasy, started to play. I must have listened to that song on repeat for hours that night. Sitting in my car letting the wave of bass swallow me whole. The memory is so distinct, it’s as if I remember a me before hearing this song, and the me after. That transition and the impact of this single song, a song which is quite bare, has always mystified me.
Lyrics:
For the desired effect
Would you come back August or June, June
And I hate that tomorrow’s December
But this collision, came mid bloom
Better built to resume
I’ll see you August, see you June
I’m building higher than I can see
I want fantasy
Don’t rest with the less
I’m burning to impress
It’s deep in the middle of me
I can be fantasy